How long do I have to wait for PATIENCE!

At 33 years old, I am still having a really hard time attaining patience. I know its a noble characteristic and I admire those who have more than a three minute fuse before they explode. But frankly I go from zero to sixty when I have to wait or when someone doesn't perform to my specifications. Not only do I lack patience, but I am damn selfish too. There are millions of people in need and how many of them could I help each day, if I only tried a little harder and shifted my focus towards the needs of others....hence tying into the need for patience that comes with compassion and empathy for another's position.

How many times do we gloss over things about which we should be grateful, big and small alike. Thanks for lunch, thanks to mom for giving up her career to raise you, thank you for letting me merge into your lane, thanks to our children for being good, thanks to our bosses for keeping us employed in a tight economy...

Conversely, we focus on the parts of the day when don't go exactly as we believe they should, which at the end of the day leaves you feeling exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed.

As parents and as a society we expect children to have patience, to be generous and to always use their manners. Its off with their heads if they deviate from these mandates: their prized possessions get shelved, they get put on the sidelines for a "time out", or they get a quick dose of corporeal punishment. Ouch!

Why do we expect so much of our children if we don't expect the same from the adults who are presumably setting the example? When was the last time a grown-up was truly generous with another, or forced to share something that he cherished most, and with a complete stranger, at that? e.g. like a child being made to share their favorite doll with a strange kid at the park? We would never hold ourselves to these standards. The more typical response would be something like the following: "its mine, I paid for it, he can spend his own money if he wants one". Right?

But, how are we imparting wisdom on our children if we act differently than we preach. And why do we insist that they maintain characteristics that we have long since disposed of ourselves. We need to make a choice as to whether they are truly worthy characteristics, and if so, then we need to uphold them ourselves. If a three year old can be patient and polite even when they have skipped a nap , then why can't we?

If we collectively decided that these are worthy traits, I can only imagine what a better world it would be if we each occasionally said to someone in need, "I noticed that your car has been giving you trouble, would you like to borrow mine until you can afford a new one?" or "I just went to Costco, surely you and your hungry children can use some extra food. I could never eat it all before it expired?" At some point, all of us would surely be on the receiving end of such behaviors which would warm the cockles of our dehydrating hearts and maybe provide further inspiration for change.

And as for patience, I will admit that my daughter is more patient than I am. When I tell her to wait until I finish working before I can play a game memory, she waits quietly 20-30 minutes for me to finish. But, I would never wait that long for her to do what I asked. Wouldn't it be better if we could just let things happen at their own pace and embraced the understanding that life is overwhelming and we are all doing the best we can. With a little patience one can step away from a life that is driven by your schedule and we begin to see the people behind the task.

The moral of the story is this - If we teach and practice compassion, patience is the return on our investment. For we must conceptualize the needs and sacrifices of others in order to understand why things cannot always be dictated by our own needs.