Desperately Seeking Susan

Today I was thinking about how drastically the world has changed in the last couple of decades. We owe these social changes to a global geo-economic-political world, vast advances in technology, and the transition of women out of the house and into the work place. This Brave New World has allowed us to stay in constant contact and dedicate numerous hours to work of all kinds. It has brought us cheap goods and a million things to do with our time. However, our society is suffering some major side effects from these advancements, not the least of which is a lack of human connection.

We spend so much time distracted, like kids in a candy store, and then we ask ourselves why we feel alone and isolated? Humans are social creatures who chose to live in villages, create matrimony, and share stories around the campfire. So why is it that our generation has managed to moved farther and farther from their home towns, opting instead to go it alone? Why is it that we have not called or spent time with our best friends for weeks or months? We all have our various on-hand excuses, most of which are legitimate.

But now, through these social mediums on the internet, you see people trying to reach out and connect with one another in cyberspace, even if its just to connect on a very superficial level. Remember that random trend of "planking" that spread through the world on the internet. It was something so simple, yet people all around the world - rich, poor, young, old, drunk or sober - posted pictures of themselves planking on the site? Wasn't it simply to reach out and say, "I am here too". "I am a participant."

Or, what about Facebook? There are hundreds of people who search out classmates from better years just to tell them that they had a great time at the zoo with their kids or that they are feeling frustrated. The bottom line is that all of us are basically the same (or at least 99% of us ;). So the question is whether the cyber connections that people have these days are filling the void that so many people are obviously feeling. And, if not then I would argue that you can't expect 296 "friends" to care that you went to the zoo, unless you have invested some of your energy connecting to them. That is what sets apart friends from strangers.

I do believe that these cyber interactions are better than nothing, but it certainly doesn't feel as good as getting together with those you love for a brunch or a couple of cocktails....on a regular basis rather than once a year. The answer, you ask? In order to feel connected, loved, understood, we would need to identify "our people" and share openly and honestly with them....regularly. In turn, we would also need to "be there" for them. This would probably mean giving up the many acquaintances we have collected over the years and opt for fewer, deeper relationships. In a world of distraction, this may prove difficult as I believe many of us have lost the ability to concentrate on anything, even if it is something we so desperately need. 

Supermarket Schooling

I can't say that I have fully adjusted to small town living. However, there are definitely some things I find endearing about living in a community, such as the spontaneous conversations that take place between strangers in any place at any time. If this happened back in L.A. I would slowly back away, convinced that the conversationalist sporting a smile and a piece of free advise is only using friendliness as an angle to hit me up for something....or worse.

But, here in Roseto degli Abruzzi, even strangers will chime in on a conversation if they overhear a topic of interest. And, since we have so many pensioners and "self-employed" residents, there are a lot of people with time to jump in and school you on the topic of the day. Today, I was schooled on foods to avoid when breastfeeding as I picked out my green beans and tomatoes at the vegetable market. In the past, I have also received unsolicited advise on recipes, how to chose a melon and child-rearing.

Sometimes, instead of offering advise, people start a conversation by asking me a highly personal question, like what building I live in or what school my daughter attends. Like I said, in L.A. these would be huge red flags, but here it's par for the course. Somehow we are all one big family because we are part of the same small community. It is not only this town, but I think this friendly vibe is a part of Italian culture. I commonly see circles of people discussing the economy in a doctor's waiting room or a conversation between the butcher and his client regarding traffic problems in the city (as all other customers wait patiently, or join in if they feel so inclined).

These spontaneous schoolings are a phenomenon that I imagine was a part of people's daily routine during our grandparent's era. And, it likely created a sense of community, which in turn provided roots in a town for an entire lifetime. But, I am sad to say that the willingness to interconnect has completed died out in my generation. We seem to seek independence and freedom of movement more than a feeling of being rooted. Admittedly, I am still hesitant to even say Good Morning to someone passing by because my attitude is "why would I?". I am slowly starting to change, but it took a lifetime to raise my guard and it may take a lifetime to tear it down. Even as a fiercely independent person who doesn't like the weight of other people, I can also see the comfort that the social interaction provides me during monotonous tasks. So to all those who have shared a recipe or a quick piece of knowledge with me along the way, I want to say thank you. I appreciate the unsolicited info; but more than that I appreciate you making me feel like a part of a community, even if we are complete strangers.