Anybody who has ever passed the book store's self-help section knows that the struggle for meaning in this life is a challenge suffered en masse. Its a realization that sometimes hits like a ton of bricks, perhaps after becoming a parent, or after college, or - like in my case - watching someone die prematurely. Others may drift into malaise slowly and steadily once the buzz of youth wears out - probably sometime in their thirties, just as the reality of mortgage payments and the repetitious responsibilities of parenthood come their way. At some point, I am convinced, that most of us find ourselves asking WHY? WHAT IS THIS ALL FOR?
Here's what I know: we are animals, but we have evolved. We made fire, built fences and farms, which has allowed us the freedom to think. I'm starting to think this is where we went wrong. Now we have attained enough consciousness to wonder why but not enough sense to provide an answer to that burning question. Is it better not to wonder at all, and to live without the thought of future and past? I would venture that it is certainly less-overwhelming to live that way, but having no direction may result in feeling empty and helpless. And, at the end of the day I imagine our minds are incapable of achieving the stillness of living wholly in the present.
Are we just here until we die like all other animals and plants on this world? If its so easy for us to accept for all "lower" life on this earth, then why do we think our lives are that much more purpose-driven? Are we over-thinking it? Maybe it's a bit depressing to believe we are just another body taking up oxygen, but it could also be liberating. Taking on this believe means embracing the idea of seizing the day since today may be all we have. In that case, maybe the answer to fulfillment is simple: more volunteer work, compassion for those less fortunate? It is called the Golden Rule for a reason, right?
If humans went back to struggling with daily tasks of survival, we would ask less questions and concentrate on the basics: food, water, shelter. Such may also be the case if we lived in a time of death (war, famine, or disease) and we accepted that this moment is all we have. So, it seems that in order to attain "zen" and live in the present, which is a more advanced mind-set, we must regress to a less-developed state where we are only concentrating on our survival. I know true nirvana takes that stillness of mind within our surroundings, but is that a realistic expectation in today's world? And, Buddhist monks don't count since they are sheltered from the real world and rely on others to work hard to support their spiritual journey.
Here's where I am: I want purpose and a direction, but do not look to religion for it. I am still open to finding a greater-meaning, but am not hopeful. I will not trick my mind into believing something that is not there solely to be consoled. I, instead, try to live moment by moment, acknowledging that most moments are filled with the mundane. But, there are these all-consuming moments of joy that overtake me every now and again which make my life worth living. They fill my heart up so full that it is replenished. The most spectacular thing is that almost all of these moments consist of such basic events, that I wonder if simple living is the best way to have more of them. Swimming alone in the calm Adriatic with my daughter as the sun sets and a warm breeze catches my face. Listening to a great song while jumping on my bed. Having a laugh with an old friend until our faces turn red. These are the tiny fleeting moments that keep me going. They are so simple, but are they my purpose? Maybe abandoning the search for purpose is the way to have more joyous moments?
Clearly I am full of more questions than answers. But, without pondering these issues, aren't we doomed to just slog through life, never knowing? Every person must come to their own conclusion and form a life that suits their desires and goals. Unfortunately, for me I expect it will take a lifetime, or more to figure out.
