Tuesday, October 12, 2010

But, what does it all mean Basil?

Why has human consciousness evolved enough to search for meaning and purpose in their life, but not enough to figure out that purpose?

Anybody who has ever passed the book store's self-help section knows that the struggle for meaning in this life is a challenge suffered en masse. Its a realization that sometimes hits like a ton of bricks, perhaps after becoming a parent, or after college, or - like in my case - watching someone die prematurely. Others may drift into malaise slowly and steadily once the buzz of youth wears out - probably sometime in their thirties, just as the reality of mortgage payments and the repetitious responsibilities of parenthood come their way. At some point, I am convinced, that most of us find ourselves asking WHY? WHAT IS THIS ALL FOR?

Here's what I know: we are animals, but we have evolved. We made fire, built fences and farms, which has allowed us the freedom to think. I'm starting to think this is where we went wrong. Now we have attained enough consciousness to wonder why but not enough sense to provide an answer to that burning question. Is it better not to wonder at all, and to live without the thought of future and past? I would venture that it is certainly less-overwhelming to live that way, but having no direction may result in feeling empty and helpless. And, at the end of the day I imagine our minds are incapable of achieving the stillness of living wholly in the present.

Are we just here until we die like all other animals and plants on this world? If its so easy for us to accept for all "lower" life on this earth, then why do we think our lives are that much more purpose-driven? Are we over-thinking it? Maybe it's a bit depressing to believe we are just another body taking up oxygen, but it could also be liberating. Taking on this believe means embracing the idea of seizing the day since today may be all we have. In that case, maybe the answer to fulfillment is simple: more volunteer work, compassion for those less fortunate? It is called the Golden Rule for a reason, right?

If humans went back to struggling with daily tasks of survival, we would ask less questions and concentrate on the basics: food, water, shelter. Such may also be the case if we lived in a time of death (war, famine, or disease) and we accepted that this moment is all we have. So, it seems that in order to attain "zen" and live in the present, which is a more advanced mind-set, we must regress to a less-developed state where we are only concentrating on our survival. I know true nirvana takes that stillness of mind within our surroundings, but is that a realistic expectation in today's world? And, Buddhist monks don't count since they are sheltered from the real world and rely on others to work hard to support their spiritual journey.

Here's where I am: I want purpose and a direction, but do not look to religion for it. I am still open to finding a greater-meaning, but am not hopeful. I will not trick my mind into believing something that is not there solely to be consoled. I, instead, try to live moment by moment, acknowledging that most moments are filled with the mundane. But, there are these all-consuming moments of joy that overtake me every now and again which make my life worth living. They fill my heart up so full that it is replenished. The most spectacular thing is that almost all of these moments consist of such basic events, that I wonder if simple living is the best way to have more of them. Swimming alone in the calm Adriatic with my daughter as the sun sets and a warm breeze catches my face. Listening to a great song while jumping on my bed. Having a laugh with an old friend until our faces turn red. These are the tiny fleeting moments that keep me going. They are so simple, but are they my purpose? Maybe abandoning the search for purpose is the way to have more joyous moments?

Clearly I am full of more questions than answers. But, without pondering these issues, aren't we doomed to just slog through life, never knowing? Every person must come to their own conclusion and form a life that suits their desires and goals. Unfortunately, for me I expect it will take a lifetime, or more to figure out.

3 comments:

  1. First, as I read this, I couldn't help but think how poetically well written this was. Sighhh, Ironically I too ask many of your question daily. Why am I here? Do I have a purpose? Do I serve a purpose? Am I just taking up space? Am I contributing to this "thing" called life? Your sentence, "Maybe abandoning the search for purpose is the way to have more joyous moments?" Was so simple, and yet so profound. I have spent many a thought on what am I chasing? I'm looking for something without knowing what that "something" is. I can't help but consider that truthfully, losing your dear mother has made many of us question our OWN life. So, Noelle, how I can relate to so many of your thoughts, but I'm afraid none of us have the RIGHT answer. I think the answers lie within our own self. Yes, maybe it will take a lifetime to figure out, but at least we tried. What more could we ask of ourselves?

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  2. At the ripe age of 52, I believe with all my heart that the hole that was created in my heart to be filled, is filled. Believe me, even being a Christian leaves you with thoughts about "What is my purpose in life." I believe that even the deciples struggled with the same thoughts and they were present when Christ walked the earth. I have personally found comfort and joy serving others, or better said, do to others as you would want done to you. Its a very hard commandment to live by. It was one of the two faves of Jesus. First, love the Lord with all your heart, strength, and mind...second love your neighbor as yourself. The first one seems easy, but the second is not so easy. I found when I did, I felt joy and peace like no other. I look at every challenge now differently. I think if we live to serve ourselves, we will be always looking for more and never truly satisfied... or just bored. There is a farm that I belong to where I recieve my veggies each week. I see how this family struggles financially because someone tampered with their crops this year. What can I do but pray for them? They came to me randomly and asked me if I had artistic talent, I think they heard it from someone. I said yes of course. They asked me to paint a mural on the side of their barn to help attract customers. I thought Why Not? Its alot of work but they feed me well while I'm there and they are so grateful. That's just one of many stories I have had the honor to serve. I have found such so much joy getting to know them better during this time. That's filling the hole. I'm so full, I'm over-flowing. There are so many people in need, and so many in our own back yards. Look around and take your mind off of yourself and enjoy the adventure. Noelle your such a wonderful mommy to enjoy nature and precious moments with your daughter. There's so many wonderful Woo Hoo moments waiting around every corner, and you can enjoy them with Shay.
    After reading a book on Mother Teresa, I understand why she gave her entire life giving to other less fortunate. It made her happy!
    P.S. While I'm on the subject...Is there anything I can do for you?

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  3. Ah, man... I thought I posted this great paragraph or two several days ago to not only agree with you, but also to offer that perspective you hint at in your blog (is it so bad to just "be" here?). Looks like it didn't post. Maybe when I have more time to reflect, instead of "be"ing ;-), I'll rewrite it! Great blog, can't wait to read more. :-)

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