Many times over I have heard cliches about love: "Love is patient, love is kind....";"Its better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all";"Distance makes the heart grow fonder";"and my favorite crock of sh#t, "Love conquers all".
But, do people ever stop and evaluate those statements because I am not sure if they are actually true. Sure, love is great when its fresh and new or when it isn't accompanied by people's selfishness, insecurities, self-loathing, infidelity, and, well you get the point. More plainly stated, when you love somebody you can really be made to suffer in a variety of ways. So, is the high of love really worth the lows caused by the actions and inactions of your partner? Or, is it worth the guilt that comes with being the cause of someone else's lows? I suppose its all relative based on how high are the highs and how bad things get. But, can't it be more simply analyzed as follows: If you are "in love" then you are bound to a lifetime of uncertainty. One can't even predict how often or how steep those hills and valleys are going to be. Those in a relationship just have to be willing to go on a wild roller coaster ride if they are coupled with another human and not some kind of a cyborg.
Some people don't fare well with change. Some people aren't willing or able to put in the extra work when things are at a low point, regardless of who put them there. Some people may do great with the chaos of love. Maybe these are questions we should ask ourselves before we take the leap into a traditional love-based relationship. We should know whether we are compatible with love or maybe better served by a stable relationship with friends and already existing family. Think Sex in the City or Stand By Me.
Or, perhaps its okay to love someone deeply but love them from afar. Do we really need to be married or interdependent just because we have these feelings? Maybe its more lasting and healthy to interact less frequently with those we love? Whoever made up the rule that once you find love, you are inextricably bound to the object of that affection for the rest of your life? They could want different things in life, or have problems that you are ill-prepared to deal with, live on opposite sides of the planet, or pose any other number of insurmountable challenges to being together....on a permanent basis. But, they could be ideal for talking on the phone when you really need someone or meeting up for an annual vacation. Are you getting the idea? I know it seems quite foreign and my bet is that I'll get a number of comments discrediting this theory as overly-cold or practical. I'll bet that those people either are on a high point in their relationship and have a short-term memory or maybe they are one of the lucky few that have found an ideal match in all ways, not just in love....or most likely, they are deluding themselves into thinking they are happier than they really are.
See, I cannot help the leakage of my cynical views from time to time. I have argued for a long time that a life-long monogamous relationship is extremely outdated and unrealistic. Divorce rates, infidelity and the sheer number of people on antidepressants are proof that this structure is not functioning, regardless of what religions' tend to dictate. That said, I am certain that true love exists; maybe even love at first sight. My argument is that, for most people, being with that person forever is not a realistic goal. I argue that our ever-changing lives are not conducive to a single monogamous life-long relationship. However, the jury is still out on whether partnering with the one you love - rather than opting for being single or shacking up with a more practical match - is the right way to go. Both avenues seem to have their downside so every individual must choose the avenue that provide them with what they need most not what society brainwashes them to do from the day they are born. And depending on whether each person's foremost goal is passion, stability, family, career, travel, money, etc. the answer to which kind of relationship(s) are best will change.
Good Luck!
But, do people ever stop and evaluate those statements because I am not sure if they are actually true. Sure, love is great when its fresh and new or when it isn't accompanied by people's selfishness, insecurities, self-loathing, infidelity, and, well you get the point. More plainly stated, when you love somebody you can really be made to suffer in a variety of ways. So, is the high of love really worth the lows caused by the actions and inactions of your partner? Or, is it worth the guilt that comes with being the cause of someone else's lows? I suppose its all relative based on how high are the highs and how bad things get. But, can't it be more simply analyzed as follows: If you are "in love" then you are bound to a lifetime of uncertainty. One can't even predict how often or how steep those hills and valleys are going to be. Those in a relationship just have to be willing to go on a wild roller coaster ride if they are coupled with another human and not some kind of a cyborg.
Some people don't fare well with change. Some people aren't willing or able to put in the extra work when things are at a low point, regardless of who put them there. Some people may do great with the chaos of love. Maybe these are questions we should ask ourselves before we take the leap into a traditional love-based relationship. We should know whether we are compatible with love or maybe better served by a stable relationship with friends and already existing family. Think Sex in the City or Stand By Me.
Or, perhaps its okay to love someone deeply but love them from afar. Do we really need to be married or interdependent just because we have these feelings? Maybe its more lasting and healthy to interact less frequently with those we love? Whoever made up the rule that once you find love, you are inextricably bound to the object of that affection for the rest of your life? They could want different things in life, or have problems that you are ill-prepared to deal with, live on opposite sides of the planet, or pose any other number of insurmountable challenges to being together....on a permanent basis. But, they could be ideal for talking on the phone when you really need someone or meeting up for an annual vacation. Are you getting the idea? I know it seems quite foreign and my bet is that I'll get a number of comments discrediting this theory as overly-cold or practical. I'll bet that those people either are on a high point in their relationship and have a short-term memory or maybe they are one of the lucky few that have found an ideal match in all ways, not just in love....or most likely, they are deluding themselves into thinking they are happier than they really are.
See, I cannot help the leakage of my cynical views from time to time. I have argued for a long time that a life-long monogamous relationship is extremely outdated and unrealistic. Divorce rates, infidelity and the sheer number of people on antidepressants are proof that this structure is not functioning, regardless of what religions' tend to dictate. That said, I am certain that true love exists; maybe even love at first sight. My argument is that, for most people, being with that person forever is not a realistic goal. I argue that our ever-changing lives are not conducive to a single monogamous life-long relationship. However, the jury is still out on whether partnering with the one you love - rather than opting for being single or shacking up with a more practical match - is the right way to go. Both avenues seem to have their downside so every individual must choose the avenue that provide them with what they need most not what society brainwashes them to do from the day they are born. And depending on whether each person's foremost goal is passion, stability, family, career, travel, money, etc. the answer to which kind of relationship(s) are best will change.
Good Luck!
I couldn't agree more!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAll of this is true Noelle... but why do the single people desperately want to be married and the married people want to be single again? Bottom line...regardless of weather you are in love them or not, its hard to live with someone full time. VERY VERY HARD!
ReplyDelete