Dear Italy....

Before I moved here, I thought this was information everybody had. But.... apparently not. As a good samaritan I feel duty-bound to share these truisms with my Abruzzesse brethren. Perhaps they were on vacation or sleeping when the news came in.


1- Sidewalks are a great little invention that provide a SEPARATE path for pedestrians. They are really handy when walking with strollers or for 90 year old ladies totting huge grocery bags between meals. You should really insist that the government put some in and stop using cars to control population explosions.

2 - 4 years old is too old for a bottle. They are not babies, they are children. Stop coddling!

3 - They will not kick your child out of school if she/he is not wearing Gucci or Burberry....even if that was a rule, they wouldn't enforce it because they are Italian.

4 "Mother" is not synonymous with the word "slave". After a certain point, say 25, she should not be cooking for you, cleaning your room and doing your laundry on a daily basis.....all the while she is watching your children!

5- You have to elect one activity: driving or parking. They cannot be done in the same place. It does not work.

6- Neither cookies nor Nutella are a nutritional breakfast.

7- Yes, Italian food is wonderful. But, and I know this may come as a surprise, they have food in other countries too. Try it sometime. (This goes for language, wine, clothing designers, and other cultural events).

8- Sometimes, and I can't believe I am saying this, rules are good. They are what help a 5 minute process, not turn into a 5 hour process. Now I know why you all drink so much coffee!

9- The internet works. Maybe we can use it to order food from other countries (see No. 7)

10 - Your children will not die if they are out in the cold for 30 seconds. This is Roseto, not Siberia.

11- Hours worked in a day is calculated by time actually producing, not drinking coffee, going home for a three hour lunch, napping, or talking with your friends in front of your store.

12- Olive oil is not a food group.

These are only the basics. But, we have to start somewhere.

Readers who have been here, done that, please feel free to add more lessons learned.